Still here - and luckier than I could ever express....

So it's been almost 4 years since I last posted - which I sincerely regret - and I have been promising myself I would start it up again.  So here I am.  And here is what has happened since my last post....

 Juliette turned 2!

 Charlotte Patricia was born February 22, 2012

Juliette turned 3!

 Colin Foster was born August 2, 2013

 Colin turned 1!

Juliette turned 4!

 Amelia Mason was born November 20, 2014

Jer opened his own computer shop

Juli got her first haircut!

Colin turned 2!

 Juliette started VPK

And that brings us pretty up to date.  Juliette's 5th birthday is looming around the corner as is Millie's first.  Both huge milestone birthdays.  It's hard to believe how much time has sped up these past few years, and how much has happened.  I'm still the same paranoid, neurotic, overemotional, sappy mom I was 4 years ago when I started this blog.  I had a semi-life-changing event yesterday, or at least it feels that way now, and that's what inspired me to reignite my blog.

I have to get ready to go teach my class at Santa Fe in a few so this will have to be continued....

TTFN

Happy Birthday Juliette!!!

This was taken a few days ago, but it is probably one of my favorite pictures of you - what a perfectly perfect face!

You and your balloons - you LOVE them!

Happy birthday precious girl! You are one year old today! It has been an amazing year - full of joy, laughter, excitement, awe, questions, worries, snuggles, and LOVE! I just can't believe that one year ago today....

I was laying in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors and an IV, fresh out of surgery, fresh into motherhood. At this very moment, Daddy was probably catching a quick nap in the couch next to my bed. You were probably in my arms, as you were for the majority of the time we were in the hospital. I can't say exactly what you were doing - crying, sleeping, nursing, just being perfect little you. I do know how I was feeling. I was in awe, in love, enamored, bewitched. Happier than I'd ever been in my entire life, and probably more terrified too. The moment I saw you, heard your cry, I was taken over by a love so fierce and so intense that it was almost too big of a feeling to feel. You were finally here, the daughter I'd always dreamed of, the moving little creature I'd poked, nourished, and sung to for nine months. Those first few days were surreal. In fact, there have been several moments over the last year that have felt surreal. It's strange sometimes to look at you and know that while you are such a part of me, that you are made from me, you are also separate from me. You're a person - a person that is here because Daddy and I wanted you, and made you so. What a brilliant decision that was. You are everything a human being should be - smart, funny, sweet, clever, stunningly gorgeous, and a true individual already! I am proud of the person you are and the person you are becoming. I love you with the whole of my heart, my soul, my being.

Probably right at this moment, one year ago today.... xoxoxo

Today we had a small little family party for you. We gave you mommy and daddy presents, and Mimi, Grandaddy, Grandma, and Auntie Beth also brought you some small gifts (they're saving the other ones for your BIG party on Saturday!) We gave you My Pal Violet who says your name and sings songs and teaches you all kinds of stuff. We also gave you a little piano/storybook toy, some shirts, a pink Gator jersey, and some bath toys. You also got blocks, a bath toy, a puzzle, and some money! Oh and we went to Build-A-Bear and made a birthday bear for you - that was fun!

You did a good job of ripping the paper open!

Like we expected, you were most fascinated by the ribbons and paper!

I love your "concentrating" face!

Pulling Violet out of her bag...

Staring contest with Violet - you weren't too sure about her yet...

I made some vanilla cupcakes with chocolate icing for you - and oh, did you love it! Well, the icing anyway.... :)

Clapping and saying "Yay!" - There was chocolate in your hair, on the back of your neck... :)

On Saturday we are having your big party at Mimi's house. You are going to be the center of attention! I've ordered a bigger cake for you to smash up (you had a trial run tonight, haha!) and lots of our friends will be there. I can't wait! :)

Ok, so I guess I'd better explain that boo-boo on your face..... *sigh* I think mommy and daddy will beat ourselves up for many years to come because of what happened to you. We went to the Gator homecoming parade last Friday and forgot sunscreen. Yes. Forgot it. :( Daddy tried to be resourceful and put a spare pair of pants on your head, but you still got pretty burned on the left side of your face. We felt so bad, but weren't too concerned as you didn't really seem to be bothered by it. We put aloe on it and figured it would peel and fade in a couple of days. Wrong! By Sunday you had a big blister. By Monday it was a yellow-ish wound and I flipped out! I was in tears that morning and decided to swallow my pride and call the doctor. Of course, they were much more calm and chill than I was and simply called in a prescription ointment to put on it. By Tuesday it was a big, red, crusty sore. Finally, over the last two days, it has begun to dry up and flake off. I have never felt so guilty in all my life! We've lived in Florida our whole lives and should have known better!

You and your boyfriend, Aiden (who is much tanner than you are...)

Here you are in your "hat".

You had fun anyway!

Palest (but happiest) family ever!

Well my love, if you are reading this far into the future, I am confident that you will have a healthy relationship with sunblock and a thorough education on the dangers of the sun! I am going to be the sunblock QUEEN! Your perfect alabaster skin will never burn again under our watch...we may make mistakes from time to time, but never the same mistake twice!

I love you, my big girl!!! I am so proud to be your mommy and can't wait to see what exciting things year two has in store!!

Love this outfit!

xoxo,
Mommy

Teeth and parties!!

Well, I am finally going to have to say goodbye to that gummy little smile of yours.....

Teeth have emerged!! Two little sharp white teeth are just poking up from your bottom gums! Today you are 11 months and 12 days old - I wondered if you'd ever get any. Everyone who stops us out in public to compliment you or gush over you - in the grocery store, at the mall, everywhere! - they all see your drooly little chin and your fingers in your mouth and say "Oh, she must be teething!". Then we patiently explain how you've been "teething" since your were 3 months old - ha! People keep telling me that the longer it takes for teeth to come in, the better off you'll be. Not sure how reliable that is, but I'll take it! Plus, I have to say I really love your cute gummy smile - it makes you look very baby-like which makes mommy happy. You are growing up waaaaay too fast! So anyway, I wasn't really stressing about your teeth not being here yet. Now that they're here though, I am so excited! It's a big milestone, and it is really going to change how you look. My big girl. How I love you!

I tried really hard to take a picture of your new teeth, but you absolutely do NOT like having your mouth messed with....so this is the best I could get. See how mad you are?? Sorry!! :(


We also finally got a walker for you. Grandma has had one and says you do really well with it, so we decided it was time to get one for you too! We got it at Wal-Mart, and you LOVE it! It has really cool music on it which you like to dance to. So flipping cute! You are a pro at pulling up on it and walking, but still haven't gotten the steering part down. :)

Running into the wall.....

So since my last post, you have grown and changed so much! Your hair is coming in longer and thicker every day - it's very light and wispy, and oh so soft. When I ask you where mommy's hair is, you pat my hair/head, and then I ask where your hair is, and you rub the back of your head and make this cute little "eeehhhheeeehhh" sound. I love it! You are also learning where your nose and toes are. You are really smart, and you pick up on stuff super fast. You know who each family member is, you know the animals, you know bottle, yogurt, puffs, TV, cheadle, picture, and of course the fan. You wave really well now, and can blow kisses and give squeezes! Those are my favorites (obviously). You have a pillow that I bought for you in the shape of an owl. It's pink and is probably supposed to be a girl owl, but we named it Mr. Hoot Hoot. You seem to really love Mr. Hoot Hoot and will go get him and hug and kiss him.


You've always loved the book "Hippos Go Berserk", so of course daddy and I now have it memorized. Sometimes we'll just start reciting it without the book in front of us, and you'll stop whatever you're doing and just stare at us - like you're trying to figure out why what we're saying sounds so familiar. :) It's so much fun being your mommy and daddy!

I've been very busy planning your 1st birthday party! It's going to be birdie themed - "Sweet Tweet" - and so much fun! I'm planning to make the cake myself, plus a special little one just for you. I highly doubt you'll make much of a mess or eat a whole lot of it (you are still not all that in to solid food yet), but it will be fun anyway. Now if I could make a cake out of pickles, that might get you excited....

I'm also busy getting ready for Auntie Beth and Uncle JJ's baby shower. It's going to be on December 3rd (which is not so far away) in the same place she had our baby shower. Wilmot Gardens on the UF campus. It's a beautiful little building with gardens all around. I'm planning to buy a brick with your name on it to go in the garden in the Alumni section. Then you will have it there to go and see someday when you're all grown up - maybe you'll even go to college there too!

The baby shower is going to be butterfly and garden themed. I ordered the invitations yesterday and they are so pretty! I still have a lot to do though. I want to make this a stellar party for Beth and Justin. They both really deserve it. :) Oh, and I got to feel your cousin Charlotte kick for the first time the other day!!!! It was amazing! I cannot wait to meet her, and I can't wait to see your reaction to her too!

Here's Charlotte in Auntie Beth's tummy! Less than 4 months to go....

One last thing - we got a new camera, and it's a really good one! Below are some pictures that I think turned out AMAZING. I only wish we had been able to get it sooner....

Swinging at the park - I love your expression!

You like to drink the shower water. :)

I love the way you can see each little droplet of water...

I love you more and more every day my wondrous little girl. You surprise and enchant me on a daily (hourly) basis. I am the luckiest mommy in the history of mommies. :)

Lately these are the songs/poems that I have been singing/reciting to you. You seem to get really relaxed when you hear them....

Wynken, Blynken, and Nod (my Grandpa always sang this to me when I was little...)

"Wynken, Blynken, and Nod one night
Sailed off in a wooden shoe---
Sailed on a river of crystal light,
Into a sea of dew.
"Where are you going, and what do you wish?"
The old moon asked the three.
"We have come to fish for the herring fish
That live in this beautiful sea;
Nets of silver and gold have we!"
Said Wynken,
Blynken,
And Nod.

The old moon laughed and sang a song,
As they rocked in the wooden shoe,
And the wind that sped them all night long
Ruffled the waves of dew.
The little stars were the herring fish
That lived in that beautiful sea---
"Now cast your nets wherever you wish---
Never afeard are we";
So cried the stars to the fishermen three:
Wynken,
Blynken,
And Nod.

All night long their nets they threw
To the stars in the twinkling foam---
Then down from the skies came the wooden shoe,
Bringing the fishermen home;
'T was all so pretty a sail it seemed
As if it could not be,
And some folks thought 't was a dream they 'd dreamed
Of sailing that beautiful sea---
But I shall name you the fishermen three:
Wynken,
Blynken,
And Nod.

Wynken and Blynken are two little eyes,
And Nod is a little head,
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies
Is a wee one's trundle-bed.
So shut your eyes while mother sings
Of wonderful sights that be,
And you shall see the beautiful things
As you rock in the misty sea,
Where the old shoe rocked the fishermen three:
Wynken,
Blynken,
And Nod."

And...

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

I love you, my sweet daughter.

xoxo,

Mommy

Crawling and sneezing and cousins...oh my!

You love this toy - when you spin the red wheel, it plays music and you love to rock forward and back to it. Plus, you've learned how to make the music play all by yourself - smarty pants!

Hello my beautiful ray of sunshine! It has definitely been too long since I last wrote - but I've just been so busy and preoccupied these days. Some of it boring grown-up stuff, but mostly just busy trying to keep up with you!

You reached some major milestones last week - the most impressive of which is you are crawling! Everywhere, and fast! On the Sunday before Labor day, we all went over to Chandra and Aiden's house to eat dinner and hang out. While we were there, you all of a sudden decided you could belly crawl (maybe you were trying to keep up with Aiden?). I caught a video of it on my phone - we were sooooo proud!! Well, that wasn't the end of it. About two days later I noticed you were occasionally going a few "steps" on your hands and knees, then you'd plop back down onto your belly and scoot along. I guess then something clicked in your sweet little head because by the very next day (Wednesday, September 7th) you were crawling like a champ! All over the place! So guess what mommy and daddy did this past weekend? BABYPROOFED! :) Yep, we got that gate up just in time. Sockets all covered up and all clutter gone! And an unexpected result of all this new found mobility? I am an obsessive vacuum-er now! Never thought I'd see the day....

See? Here you sit on a freshly vacuumed floor!

Okay, so that was a great milestone, but you also met a not so great one. Your very first cold. :( Yes, we tried sooooo hard to keep you from catching it, but Aunt Beth had it, then Uncle J, then Daddy, then Mommy, then you, then Grandma. I think it was unavoidable, and only a matter of time. Luckily you only had some sneezes and sniffles that lasted about two days, but it was still two days too long. You were so pitiful and it just about broke our hearts to see you like that. You were a sport though, and were back on the go in full force in no time. I know there are many more colds, sick tummies, scrapes and bumps to come in the future, and I'll just tell you now that I would take each and every one of them for you if I could! We will do our very best to protect you, our most precious and cherished girl, but these are the experiences that will come as you explore the world - and we so want you to explore it! :)

Here's a quick list of other things you can do: crawl (of course); pull up to standing and cruise along any surface you can get to; play pat-a-cake on command, or we can just say "clap", or you'll just mimic us clapping; we'll say "How big is the baby? Soooo big!" and you stretch your arms way out; wave bye-bye or hi (with the classic backwards wave - I love it!); you know what these words mean: "fan", "picture", "mommy" and "daddy", "Eddie, Dylan, doggy", "bottle", "kiss mommy", "can I have some?"; you can blow raspberries; and it reeeeallly sounds like you can say "hi", "hi daddy", or "hi Eddie"- still not sure if you're really saying it or not, but it sure sounds cute! Oh and you are completely obsessed with balloons. You point and start babbling very loudly and excitedly, it's so funny! You definitely know the word "balloon" and we almost always get you one when we go to Publix, otherwise you just about throw a fit! Haha! You are excruciatingly cute and endlessly entertaining...life is just so much fun with you around!

Here you are "cruising" and trying to get your hands on any and everything!

And the last (but biggest and BEST) news is......you are going to have a little cousin!!!! A girl cousin! Auntie Beth is pregnant and just found out that it's 85% likely to be a little girl! Of course, we've all known for a while now about her baby, but I didn't want to write about it too soon. I wanted to make sure she had announced it to everyone first before I did, but now we can shout it out. I am so happy for her and Uncle J!! And for you too, because you'll get to grow up with her - she'll be just as close to you as if she were your sister. The baby will be called Charlotte Patricia and is due to arrive around February 12th (or a week or so afterward if she takes after the girls in our family, haha!). Auntie Beth's tummy is growing bigger and bigger as little Charlotte grows, and she looks beautiful and healthy and happy! I am starting the planning for her baby shower which we'll have in early December. It's gonna be a great party and I can't wait!

I'm also starting to plan another splendid party for a sweet little girl who'll be turning one year old soon..... :) I can't believe it's already been almost a year since you came into my life and made the world infinitely more beautiful. I have loved every single solitary second of you, my darling Juliette. Every. Single. Second.

xoxo,

Mommy

P.S. We got a new car a couple of weeks ago, a 2010 black Mazda CX7 - I love it! It's a small SUV that is roomy enough for all my work stuff and your stuff, but still sporty and cute and fun to drive! :) We had to say goodbye to the Saturn. It was 11 years old and had been a good little car, but was time to be retired. I was a little sad because it was my first brand new car and my Grampa (Mimi's dad) helped me to get it when I was still in school and had no money. He was so sweet to help me out like that, and letting the Saturn go just reminded me of how much he did for me and how much I miss him. Someday when you're bigger, I'll tell you all about him and Grammy (Mimi's mom) and my dad too. They were all wonderful people who would have just loved and loved and loved you! Goodnight Julibean, I love you!

Madison Paige Staats

Today I am going to write about a beautiful little girl named Maddie. She was born healthy and perfect to two of the luckiest parents in the world. Her mom, Kellie, loves big colorful bows, and Maddie was her most gorgeous model. The oversize bows were often as big as (or bigger than) Maddie's head -- and she looked so adorable! -- but her personality was even bigger! Kellie writes so lovingly and adoringly about her daughter, beautifully describing Maddie's budding precociousness, commenting and marveling on the tiniest details and quirks that only a mommy or daddy might notice. James, Maddie's dad, has a blog too, and his heart clearly belongs to both his girls. He writes thoughtfully and honestly about how Maddie has changed his life, and how very much he loves and misses her.


Suddenly and unexpectedly, Maddie was taken from this earth when she was just a little over four months old, and her parents have been left to wonder why, and to count the minutes until they will get to hold their baby girl again. Kellie has chronicled her painful journey on her blog www.kandjstaats.blogspot.com and I have been a faithful reader. I found her blog through one of the many forums I'm a member of - her Maddie was born less than one month before my Juliette. I don't know Kellie or James, but I am a parent, so I know them.


Kellie asked that today, on her birthday, we bloggers do a post for Maddie. I feel honored that she would ask a bunch of strangers to write about her most precious accomplishment. I cannot find enough words to say how much I love a little girl that I never knew, how much I admire and respect a woman I will never meet. Maddie, through Kellie, has touched my life profoundly. As anyone who knows me knows, I have never been one to take anyone for granted. I am a worrier by nature, and have always been fearful of the worst case scenario. But Kellie has taught me that you can never prepare for a living nightmare, no matter what. Maddie and Kellie have helped me to see that I'm better served to just put my fear aside and focus that energy on loving my daughter -- relishing every blessed moment, being joyful at her joy, laughing with her laughter, taking in every single detail, and snapping tons and tons of pictures....and knowing (accepting) that I can only control so much.

Kellie is spreading the word about SIDS - awareness, education, prevention. I already knew quite a lot about it, but she has taught me things I did not know, directed me to websites I was not aware of. For that, I will always be so grateful.

Maddie is a beautiful light that I feel in my life on a daily basis. I feel lucky to have found Kellie and James' blogs; lucky to get to "know" them; and luckier still to get to know Maddie.

Kellie, Maddie will live on in the hearts of thousands of people. She's made more of a difference and touched more lives than most people ever do. She will NEVER be forgotten. Thank you for sharing her with us.

I hope that you and James are able to celebrate your birthday with smiles today.

xoxo,

Jennifer

I am the poster child for worrying and for thankfulness

I'm feeling sad tonight, not for any one particular reason, just in general. I think I've just had this dark cloud hovering over me for a while now, and I wish it would just move on. Sure, there are plenty of specific things that could be bothering me at any given moment, but for now I just feel a general blue color. Not the amazing blue that is Juliette's eyes, not the blue that is the gorgeous Florida sky, not the deep mysterious thrilling blue of the ocean, not the clear light soft blue of my father's eyes...in fact, I don't even know why being sad is equated with being blue since blue is such a lovely color. What's a color I don't really like? Orange? Puce green? Taupe? That's it - I feel taupe. That fits so much better.

Tonight I was watching the weirdest movie, very strange, about this 15 year old girl who gets murdered by her crazy ex-babysitter. The babysitter strangled her and then hung around with the girl's dead body for a few days before she buried her. The parents were frantically trying to find their daughter, and the way the actors displayed grief was all too realistic. It was gut- and heart-wrenching to watch and I wish I would have just turned it off. :( It made my taupe cloud hover a little more heavily.

Plus, several of the mamas who write the blogs I follow have been having an extra hard time lately. My heart just breaks over and over again for them. Why, oh why do these horrible things happen? Why do some (most) people get happy endings while others get horror stories? Who chooses who suffers? I guess it's all random, but somehow that feels so disrespectful (not to mention depressing) to think that way. Like, we want to believe that our heartaches, our losses, our suffering, our pain - that it all has some kind of meaning, or purpose. Right? Wouldn't people just go kind of crazy otherwise?

And with all these scary, sad thoughts rattling around in my head (pretty much all the time), how in the hell am I supposed to relax and enjoy my own happiness? How can I help but become more and more fearful when I fall more and more in love with my incredible daughter with every passing moment? I know it's irrational to think (believe!) that if I can just anticipate, or predict, or prepare for every single awful scenario, then it just could NEVER happen to my family. Like it would be impossibly ironic if it did, you know? I know that's stupid. Yet, it's how I live. And maybe I need help, or maybe I'm just like any other mama, or maybe I'm just a little south of normal, it doesn't really matter because it is what it is. I will worry and fret and wonder and be just a little panicky for the rest of my life. My baby is perfect. She's perfectly perfect, and nothing in my life has ever been that perfect- so how can this be?

I will never have an answer for that question. I don't really want an answer either. I just want to soak her up, enjoy every second, every smile, every laugh, every nap in my arms, every clap, raspberry, sneeze, wave, and babble - and never lose a single memory of this wondrous time with my baby girl. I want to love her without fear, without longing for her as if she isn't right here with me! Oh, what is wrong with my mind? I'm just so damn scared all. the. time.

And now after re-reading what I've written, I feel like such a fool. I am lucky. My daughter is sleeping peacefully and healthy in the next room. She is whole. She has a million miles to go, a billion miles of potential, a trillion miles of happiness ahead of her. She is pink and chubby and robust and full of energy and life force. I am so lucky. My arms are full, my hip is heavy with the weight of her, my backseat is alive with giggles and indignant cries, my kitchen is cluttered with bottles, nipples, and baby food jars, my garbage can fills quickly with used diapers, my dryer has onsies and tiny pajamas and miniature ruffled skirts in it, my ears ring with giggles and squeals, my camera is loaded with happy new pictures day after day, my living room is cluttered with toys, strollers, and pacifiers, my life is bustling and full and exhausting and joyful. My daughter is here with me. I can hug and kiss her and snuggle her anytime I want. Why should I be sad? How dare I be sad? I have it all. Just look at this....

My sweet Juli-bean, how much you are changing and growing by the day! You can now wave bye-bye, clap your hands, identify mommy, daddy, the doggies, and the fan! You are eating more and more solid foods. And you're beginning to sprout some hair! You can crawl (well, scoot) backwards only, you can pull to standing and cruise a little bit. You always want to be standing up - I guess you'll skip that old crawling nonsense, huh? I love you, my sweet! More than you can ever know! Here is another picture of you laughing and being just your cute self!

Shy girl behind your toy!

My Gator Girl!

Clapping to Pat-a-cake! Such a big girl!

I love you my little chicken! Here is the song I've been singing to you lately...

"Summertime and the living is easy,
Fish are jumping and the cotton is high.
Your daddy's rich and your ma is good-looking,
So hush, little baby, don't you cry.

One of these mornings you're gonna rise up singing,
Spread your wings and take to the sky.
But until that morning there is nothing can harm you,
With daddy and mommy standing by." ~ Sam Cooke

xoxo,

Mommy